Saturday, March 19, 2005
In the interest of a little humor, I post some "additions" to the famous cow herd that my political science professor handed out in class the other day:
DEMOCRATIC--You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings to you.
REPUBLICAN--You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
COMMUNIST--You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
FRENCH CORPORATION--You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.
JAPANESE COPORATION--You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school. (And the first one to tell me this is a racist joke gets canned.)
GERMAN CORPORATION--You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles per hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation every year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION--You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION (My personal favorite)--You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION--You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creatures' private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION--You have two cows. They go into hiding. They sent radio tapes of their mooing.
BELGIAN CORPORATION--You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's Flemish, other times he's French. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants to control the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA CORPORATION (Just to be fair)--You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best-looking cow. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out of state tell you which one you think is the best cow.
DEMOCRATIC--You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings to you.
REPUBLICAN--You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
COMMUNIST--You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
FRENCH CORPORATION--You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.
JAPANESE COPORATION--You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school. (And the first one to tell me this is a racist joke gets canned.)
GERMAN CORPORATION--You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles per hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation every year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION--You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION (My personal favorite)--You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION--You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creatures' private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION--You have two cows. They go into hiding. They sent radio tapes of their mooing.
BELGIAN CORPORATION--You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's Flemish, other times he's French. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants to control the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA CORPORATION (Just to be fair)--You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best-looking cow. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out of state tell you which one you think is the best cow.
// posted by The Pendragon @ 12:02 AM 
