The Pendragon's Hall

Well, just one year after I blogged an entry detailing the death of a Houghton student, death again stalks our community. Yesterday afternoon, a little boy of about 8, died while being taught swimming in our gym pool. I was there, and so was my girlfriend who was teaching one of the other groups (thankfully not the one the little boy belonged to). But it is stunning and sorrowful nonetheless.

I am at a loss for words in situations like these. C.S. Lewis seems to say it best: "You go to God when you really need Him and what do you find? The door slammed shut in your face, and the sound of double-bolting from within." I am compelled to ask the question, "Why? How could a good God allow this? He was just a kid!" And I am compelled to answer, "I don't know. I haven't any answers. I know in my head that God does not wish this any more than I do, but as to why it still happens? I have no answer." The silence of Heaven seems unbearable at times. I cannot say anything or do anything to alleviate the suffering of those who were there in a more real sense than myself, or the parents who have now lost a second child to drowning. I can only hope that God will do something for them all...and for my own hurting heart.

Do you who live in heaven/Hear the prayers of those of us who live on earth;
We are afraid of being left by those we love/And we get hardened by the hurt.
Do you remember when you lived down here/And we all scraped
To find the faith to ask for daily bread?
Did you forget about us/After you had flown away
I've memorized every word you said.
Still, I'm so scared I'm holding my breath.
While you're up there, just playing hard to get.

Do you who live in radiance/Hear the prayers of those of us who live in skin;
We have a love that's not as patient as yours was/Still we do love now and then.
Did you ever know loneliness? Did you ever know need?
Do you remember just how long a night can get
When you are barely holding on and your friends fall asleep
And don't see the blood that's running in your sweat?
Now, those who mourn are left uncomforted
While you're up there just playing hard to get.

I know you bore our sorrows and I know you feel our pain
And I know it would not hurt any less to have you just explain
And I know that I am only lashing out at the one who loves me most
So after I have figured this somehow, all I really need to know is

If you who live in eternity hear the prayers of those of us who live in time,
We can't see what's ahead and we can not get free from what we've left behind;
I'm reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ear
All these words of shame and doubt, of blame and regret
I can't see how you're leading me, unless you led me here
To where I'm lost enough to let myself be led.
So you've been here all along I guess.
It's just your ways, you aren't just playing hard to get.

--Rich Mullins.